come, stay and let's talk. it's a good day to be alive
In the darkness so deep:
What felt like an eternity — wait perhaps it was a blink of an eye — at the end was the light — a Big Bang — of a world unfathomable, yet so familiar.
Should thousands of hours of preparation be traded for a millisecond of change so precious, I would jump into the lightening.
Stare squarely into the darkness. And pray that this will work.
9.10.2021
The oddly courageous eyes stared into mine unflinchingly. Knowingly, confidently, but also secretly, we play this Russian roulette with numbers, shooting at each other with guesses. I got her numbers first, then she, mine.
Walking along the river, she said — “I like fish”. I talked about the world collapsing, imploding into its own. She said — “I like fish”. I talked about the nutrition and what best way to survive. She said — “I like fish”.
As we walked under the bridge, she said — “water”. It is funny how it sounds —“water” — like it is waving at you. I noticed her white shoes’ tip point soaked in mud. Her right calf covered in dark black blots. Even onto tip of her white dress. I feel sweat dripping over my forehead but I cannot say anything for too long. I march on, marching on this path that has gotten cruelly too long.
Awkward bug turns into a handshake — and you know the drill — turn around and walk away with as neutral fade as possible and restrain that urge to mutter “shit!” to yourself. Yes, she has a work — laundry — exam to do and she won’t call back. Yes, it was a headshot and clean one at that.
It will heal, and yes, she likes fish. So let these eyes rest and best serve for another day.
9.9.2021
I saw the clouds gathering from the distance, but chose to walk into the fray, mingling with thundering clouds
Some roared, some meekly passed by, some were quite solemn. Yet, the mission was the same: ride the moment and leave no prisoners behind.
Quite apparently, they were quick to leave those who fell behind. Jumping and running, screaming and unapologetically happy, the clouds shook the city, leaving all to wonder what has gotten into them.
I played along, clapping and laughing, wowing and hollering. And in the end, I was buzzed, a bit of wind knocked out of me, I treaded back to my sanctuary, hammering the seams steady.
Yes, it was fun and all. Yes, they were lovely. Now, let me just continue the path that I walked and finish my story.
9.8.2021
A flower blossomed in between a crevasse in a concrete sidewalk. Blue-purple smiled at me and I smiled back at its petite petals. The wind was clear, and the sky was cool. I was thankful for this happenchance to meet her.
A pair of mysterious stones were walking by, have a serious conversation in whispers amongst themselves. I respectfully circumvented around their path, letting them go on with their journey. They stopped and curiously stared at me. I paid them no mind; I rushed onto the path that I was called to.
Three dogs were strolling by. One was barking and following the other two. They all seemed to be in a genial mood. A group of lamb just stared curiously at me as they waited for the dogs to pass by. I felt proud one moment, then ashamed. Such vainglory is such a chagrin. I once again leap onto the unknown.
Spiegel im spiegel.
9.7.2021
The last one to leave is the one that bears the responsibility of the memory
You are the last shift at night cleaning up and closing the store for the next day
And when that next day comes, people will come to you asking, so how did it end? How did it go?
You might try your best to let them relive the moment, or you might not.
But don’t blame the ones who leave.
I am sure they had a good, honest, sincere reason to leave. Perhaps it was a serene calling.
And perhaps there is someone staring at your back, as you get up to leave this place too.
And I am sure, you will be remembered.
9.6.2021
I watched a pair of left feet rising,
And then a pair of right feet rising over the paddles
Slowly, but steadily, the pair matches on, solemnly, through occasional joggers and racing bikers.
Calm, steady, and unquestionably moving, the pair almost seemed to be lost in themselves, oblivious to presence of others.
I work my legs to catch up to them, but mysteriously they squeeze by in front of me.
A pair of varicose legs are as steady as the chopstick-thin pair of legs, not yielding nor excusing
Not pushing not dragging, just simultaneously meditative in their repetitive motion
These old pair of legs cycled away among the sea of legs.
9.5.2021
When I woke up in the morning,
At the core of a petite bulb of candle light,
I reminisced the last day I saw you smile.
When I rode my bike,
I thought I saw a familiar figure swiftly brushing by in my periphery
that I mistook the Autumn air as your scent breezing by my face
When I read your essay scribbled on my tablet,
I felt my face warmly smiling,
A cozy sunset seemed to be taking a repose in my chest
How glad am I to have found you again.
9.4.2021
Frosty Autumn atmosphere is in the air
The sky is pastel milky blue, as if out of a Cezanne’s painting.
The street corners seem oddly a bit more serenely quiet
Putting away the wildness of a last few nights into a drawer
Now is the time to contemplate & appreciate
No more, no less.
Watching as the sun goes down, imbuing the horizon into persimmon orange-rouge haze
I clasp my hands.
Please let there be hope.
9.3.2021
I wonder if she still remembers the tempest that we rode together in our youth, rumbling and thundering, smashing into places and roaring in laughter,
I gotta say, we had our fair share of cuts and bruises, wrestling with the world, blinded by our youth fleeting ever so fast
Traces of those fights, the battles we had, the scars that were left in each other, now recollected in tiny bits of bitter-sweetness.
Remnants of these memories, ever so evanescent, remained as a mystic story, a whisper in the rustles of Fall leaves
After the storm, only the calm remains. Only in the absence of noise, truth is heard. Perhaps in the tiniest sound of them all, is where the old memory rests ever so patiently even after all these years.
So here we are. What can I do now?
I wait. I pray. I grow.
Per espera ad astra.
9.2.2021
I plucked out my ear plugs
Shunted my eye gaze away from my screens
Ate, drank, read, and walked in silence
Just to relish this darkness of sense
So as to appreciate you more fully
Perhaps I should tone down this desire to appreciate you as well,
In order to cleanse myself of impurities
But yes: this is who I am
And here I stand, hoping that I can jump across thousands of kilometers of distance between us
Remedy the years that we’ve been away
And dance in this darkness, together.
9.1.2021
Ralph with Coffee 
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