October 16th, 2025

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I took this photo while I hung out at my cousin’s sourdough bakery in Seoul, Korea. Nested in a corner right next to a bustling local market street, the shop had an air of peaceful community.

Around the time that I took this photo, I had started getting back in touch with what mattered to me. Previously, I had a sense of “what I should do” instead of “what I want to do” in my Ph.D. program in the US. I reckoned “doing what I want” meant being selfish, which felt unacceptable — if the research work mattered for the lives of people, whether I enjoyed publishing papers seemed trivial.

But I had to face the consequences of my choice. After a few months of struggling, I found myself having to leave the program and explore a new path. The program director shared her perspective with me: this is an opportunity for a redirection, to find a fit that actually matters personally. Her support revamped my sense of security in times of uncertainty.

With paid months to explore a new path guaranteed, I read, wrote, and studied. In silence, I saw the morning light turn into day, evening, and dark night. There were days that I was in quiet bliss, and days that I found myself writhing in fear. In my lowest points, a few persons showed up for me. And their presence without words, acknowledging what I was going through, encouraged me to go through the process that can only be overcome by my own efforts. I introspected myself during this process.

Now that I am on a new path, I like to remind myself what matters to me. I like this photo because it shows a moment of peace and warmth. After turbulent years, I now appreciate how much joy it sparks in me and people close to me.

9.7.2026

Roots

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I’ve learned to hold on

through the cold, dark, and lonely storm,

seemingly infinitely repetitive cycles of manual work,

and moving from one microcosm to another.

In the middle of a quiet summer night,

a melodious song is played unexpectedly.

And a rush of feelings, memories, and recognition comes to me.

Like an apparition, I see The rebel of my adolescence,

the scheme we have devised together,

and the late summer breeze.

More importantly,

I remember the story told to me casually and matter-of-fact like,

but one I instinctually understood as rooted from sorrow, loss, and longing.

Unaware what’s actually feeding our communion,

we schemed our rebellion against our current state and fate.

A whirlwind of that chemistry past by days, months, and years.

Before I could fully express it into life,

I quickly learned what it meant to survive socially, economically, and intellectually.

I accepted keywords, passwords, and commands,

and kept on doing the “right answer actions.”

After a while, I noticed a sense of vacuum uncomfortably sitting in the back of my mind.

It’s clinical; sanitized and organized, there’s no trace of memory of what had been there

except for sparkly optimism, joy, and positivity.

I wonder if this is protecting myself from something harmful

or if I am forgetting something that actually matters.

What mattered to me, No, what matters to me now is that mess.

That childish rebellion, so naive, amateur, and incoherent matters to me.

We had dared to be alive, for ourselves — for who we actually were.

To speak our mind, to do what we believe in, and to believe in our ideal.

I will make sure my work moving forward will reflect what we had gone through.

9.6.2026

Feeling

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I felt you were with me today.

It was akin to a sense of childhood comfort, ease, and safety.

Nothing to hurry for, fight for, or cry for.

It just was what it was.

The levity in our casual presence lightened my heart.

Who would have known it would come at such time.

It’s this sense of comfort, ease, and wellness I want to carry forward.

Thanks for reminding me this today.

Wherever you are, I hope you shared this feeling.

9.1.2026

Remember

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No matter what others say

No matter what happens

Remember:

I love you.

I have always been, and always will be.

The foundation is always there,

and all you need to remember is to

Stop, breathe, and remember the blue sky.

They were real,

and I hope you carry it with you.

Stay safe,

Be kind to yourself,

and take care.

8.31.2026

Sprint

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As the sun sinks into the horizon,

the lingering warmth dissipates,

and the shadow of the night creeps in,

you can feel it in your bones it is the time again.

It is the time to fast, to withhold the pleasures,

to go through the arduous routine and rise to the occasion

not just once, but again, and again, and again.

It is the time to face the darkness,

to dance with it

without having it leave any traces on you.

And there’s no guarantee you will make it the other end.

But the decision has been made already

and the only way is to go forward.

Can you pull this trick again?

Yes, I can. I will. I am.

Unseen

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It’s a worthwhile to fight for

but remember to be soft and kind

to those who have been through too much.

The road’s not always filled with trenches

but also a long walk through the dark forest

mingling among the crowd with or without anonymity

and sometimes waiting for the sun to rise.

Remember to love.

Seek its profoundness.

Believe in its path.

8.2.2026

Mastery

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As I ran uphill on this mountain

I wondered what all this was for.

Was it glory

Maybe pleasure

Or survival

But in the end

It was about who I am

And what meaning I wanted to make

With the remaining time that I have.

So I remembered you

And maybe our meeting was meaningless

But some part of me wants to believe

That it mattered

No matter how much time has passed.

So I rise again.

Because I believe in us.

8.1.2026

순간

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일분 일포가 아까운 이 순간에도

너를 생각했다.

아마 내 선택할 수 있진 않은것 같다.

오래전 이야기이지만

마음이 따뜻해졌다.

이 순간을 위해서 기다리고 있었던 기억일지도 모르겠다.

너는, 살아있다.

지금 이 순간, 살아있다.

나는 그 사실을 감사히 여기고 있다.

7.26.2026