occasionally, when I think of something embarrassing,
I impulsively imagine lifting up a stick of cigarette
dragging in a cool-hot, bitter-sour smoke,
somehow it’s the pain that relieves the pain.
yet it won’t be till my deathbed I’ll lit another one.
a white pebble of mint will do for now
crushing it with my molar teeth
let the flash of cool flame quench the impulse
and forget the shame, burying it further back
into a darker corner of my memory
hoping it won’t resurface.
but when it does,
the impulse kicks in
flooding like saliva
of a Pavlovian dog
like Sisyphus,
we push it back
to have it roll back at us again.
a mint will do for now.
12.13.2022
Ralph with Coffee 