come, stay and let's talk. it's a good day to be alive
I thought I was ahead of my peers.
I had come to work during vacation
I had punched in the hours for preparations
yet, when the veil was lifted
and I saw their marvelous work
carved up in a succinct, efficient, and coherent way
I realized: I was the one behind.
you never know when your ignorance will be revealed;
always be prepared for the extra mile.
1.14.2023
focus — now is not the time to doze off
feel the weight of your body
the weight you are responsible for
when you lift up your body
embrace the gravity’s resistance
remember that you are growing
now is the time to feel, to move, to dance.
welcome to the world, darling
9.20.2022
let us sweat when we can;
build the work that may go unseen
help that may not be reciprocated
though there are many sweets and beauts
I know who I am; and what I am called to:
the reason to raise the body from the ground
the joy in the hustle with fellow companions
and appreciation of small things
such as the whistle of a bird
amongst breezy autumn forest
glorious descent of graceful sun through horizon
I am humbly thankful for these graces.
9.19.2022
if it is inevitable that we must change,
I do hope that we change towards
peace, enlightenment, and revelations.
what age will reveal,
we may perhaps know
when we turn around and look back
but for now, let us keep our head down
and hope for a better one.
7.8.2022
it’s a tricky, making a contract with caffeine
to let it wield my will to the extreme
so I could get work done.
yet let us find a way to have fun
in this chaotic parade of goals and tasks
one day the song might end and you ask
“what an enjoyable ride, wasn’t it”?
7.2.2022
it’s no easy task; figuring out
how the drainage works,
buying the right equipment, experimenting
with different drainage solutions.
But I’d say it was worth my time
fixing this filthy thing I’d prefer to avoid
take up on a piece of dirty responsibility
I’d need to face one way or another
And after all, it is not too bad
staring at this now shiny sink.
yes, it’s one task I’m bound to see again,
but until next time, please fare fair with me.
6.27.2022
let me find meaningfulness in my work.
let me find my purpose in a human society.
let me find love in daily tasks.
let me find humbleness in my presentation.
let me find joy in diligence and resilience.
let me find gratitude for my opportunity.
6.12.2022
life can be quite stimulating sometimes
it’s tempting to drown it out with sleeping pills,
YouTube 6 sec ad jumps,
and prescription of scrolling through
cheap speed date with Facebook posts.
but the honor is in facing each lion.
onerous work of lifting deadlines,
competing with fellows for highest quality,
that’s where the fun is at.
11.10.2021
Perhaps you’ve known already.
That we aren’t meant for lofty breeze,
Rather a summer night of radicals
That call forth what laid in our bloods.
Howling of lunatics aren’t sharp enough
For in silence, action implodes in speed
No motion needs no proof or cause.
For in this moment, nothing else,
But we live only.
9.16.2019
I’ve been studying MCAT to get into medical school. With my age, most of my friends have already graduated from medical school. They have started a residency. I am still a premed.
Last year, when I forgot to bring my passport to the MCAT test site, I vowed to myself that I would never walk the path of medical school again. I was just so upset with myself for having to try again and fail over and over again. I saw myself falling into depression, anxiety, and lower my self-esteem as I pushed myself through the grind. I didn’t like what I am nor where I was headed to. I had to reevaluate what I truly enjoy.
But there is a reason why I hesitate so much before taking that first step away from becoming a medical doctor: am I quitting because it is too hard?
I would like to believe that it is for a greater cause, that I have given my best try at it, and that I am looking for something that I would truly enjoy, not just for the sake of keeping my words, but for what my heart truly pulls me toward.
Surprisingly, now that I am trying to find what I truly enjoy, I could barely identify them. While I studied for MCAT, I had kept a list of things I wanted to do once the exam was over. There were specific places I was going to go to. I wanted to make a poetry book. I wanted to read hundreds of books.
One of the projects that I have discussed about with my friend in Flushing, Queens was to start learning machine learning.
I know not a single code to write. However, I liked the idea of machine learning. I liked that it was new, I liked that it could be a way of better understanding AI. Although I am very behind the game, I wanted to explore it. I could somehow see that my field experience and machine learning could pair well together.
For now, however, it feels very awkward. I feel like I am fooling around with my precious after-work time. I worry about whether I can meet a girl to date. I worry about whether I can progress in my work in order to get into a better position. I worry about whether other people think I am worthy of their respect or not. It feels quite lonely to try to work my way towards the top. What is there at the top anyways? Freedom? Happiness? Meaningfulness?
The only way to find out is to give it a try. I know I won’t be able to fully rest in my death bed without giving it a try.
KRK 9.16.2019
Ralph with Coffee 
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