loneliness disintegrates the memory
fragmented, slowly sinks into abyss
wandering in confusion, looking for answers,
attracted to distractions like fireflies
one moves on from isolation.
7.16.2020
come, stay and let's talk. it's a good day to be alive
loneliness disintegrates the memory
fragmented, slowly sinks into abyss
wandering in confusion, looking for answers,
attracted to distractions like fireflies
one moves on from isolation.
7.16.2020
who would’ve known you’d be glad
to go through excruciating ordeal
hustling in filth and blood
who would’ve known you’d be happy
to see Truth with bare eyes glistening
with tears of pain and joy
7.15.2020
without speed, are you alive?
without change, are you alive?
ingrained in our DNA is this memento
cravin’ for a swift shift to staccato
dance between roots of your nerve
and brutes of your world
surely must serve you well
7.14.2020
where is the beginning and where is the end?
what does it mean to be healthy & normal?
when is the time to stop waiting?
how is a survival different from living?
who is to decide what is right and wrong?
why are we not talking now?
7.13.2020
when is this lull going to end?
it’s as if it’s a great secret
when things will pick up to a
pace when we used to race.
7.12.2020
is time an incessant thing like Mobeus’s ribbon?
are we taking for granted how straight of a timeline we live on?
what reward should wait behind the door, no one knows yet. until we reach the destination.
7.12.2020
count your blessings
for you will only experience
a new memory by tomorrow
who knows what the new memory
shall bring.
7.10.2020
What I want to talk about today is actually about the restrooms (that is, if I had someone to talk to in a cafe).
Wherever we go (for the most part), we go to restroom at least once a day (for those who have difficulty with this, I sympathize you). Wherever we go, the restroom look the same. White tiles, white ceramic toilets, and mirrors; these are essential components of a restroom that we can identify a restroom with. Wherever we go, the function is pretty much the same. To urinate, to defecate, and for a few outgoing individuals, something more, too (I meant brushing your teeth, you perv).
A restroom is a place where we take it for granted often times, memories of visiting the restroom fading out of memory the moment we step out of it. But sometimes, it is a place of life and death; it is an impassive guard who decides whether to allow you in to find the greatest joy or face the impending doom of soiling yourself in public.
This is a place where we find even the most socially eloquent ones lay down their snake-like facade and get stinky and smelly things out of their system. It is a place where strangers share the most intimate piece of their life with each other. This is a place where you solemnly vow to abide by the unspoken rule: do not invade other’s zone of privacy. Perhaps a world peace can be found in a UN restroom, if all world leaders had to use a same restroom.
Whatever the case, I find it a fascinating place. While living in various parts of the world during various phases of my life, restroom is a place that I remember the most vividly. I remember the lighting, the shape of the toilet, and location of the equipment in it.
Even as people surrounding me change, even as the countries that I live in change, I find that the restroom is the only place that has not changed at all. It serves me as an anchor of various mindsets that I had in my life. This is because I think about things that I was doing while going to the restroom. I was able to think more like myself because I had the freedom to not care about others. I was not afraid to show my emotions, my embarrassing thoughts, and examine them.
It seems to me that there are actually a few things that doesn’t change. Materials can change, cultures can change, and your freedom (of whatever it may be; time, physical movement, etc) can change. But the face that I will urinate and defecate (thankfully) does not change. I think that’s why it serves as a good memory anchor.
Below is one of my favorite restroom. It’s a long story to explain why, but in short, it is in Hawaii. What’s your favorite restroom?

When I opened my eyes, I smiled
because the sun light reminded me
of the morning we bathed together
in the warm streams of sunrise
When I breathed fresh air, I smiled
because the atmosphere is as true
as it had been when I struggled
with bone-numbing loneliness
When I took a walk outside, I smiled
for I was free to roam, not bound by
morphed cage I imagined myself
to be tethered to.
I supposed I smiled quite often.
7.8.2020
every time before I ly my head to my pillow
I dream a tomorrow of excellence
every morning my consciousness awake
I grimace at my own conscience
of yesterday
7.7.2020
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