Ailment

I am speechless
out of exhaustion.

Squeezed every morsel of energy in my cell
distilled into this journey
mixed in question marks and shadows.

sometimes I fear it’s not what I imagined
when I bring it out of the oven
glazed at thousands of degrees of heat

but now is the only change
now is the only hope,
now is the testimony of past.

now, I just hope it comes out intact.
now, I just hope for its best.
now, I just hope for its safety.

10.10.2021

Apology

yes, my emotions is like color black,
worn off of cool blue, dreamy green,
energetic orange, outrageous red,
it bears the color black like wounds.

there are blind spots to color black
I forget some people don’t have black
when I touch them, it sizzles like
a white A4 paper touching leaflets of
stove fire

yes, it’s a self-pity
yes, I need to get over it already
yes, though I do apologize to you.

10.9.2021

Payment

I am paying for my lies.

when I scrape dried grain of rice
off of my bowel after finishing
yet another egg omelette,

when I tie down thin plastic lips
of white vinyl trash bags
holding my nose, dragging it down
the lonely hall way and notice
drops of trash juice stains on the floor,

I know I am in this world, not
in the world of self-importance,
high stake gamble, nor tearful drama.

so perhaps now I am paying for it.
my head is burning like an ember
unrequited of promises of comfort
slowed in a quagmire,
suspended in numbing silence,
questions unanswered in a painfully
freezing temperature.

ah. perhaps just a simple life could’ve sufficed. But no, I must charge forward.

10.8.2021