Month: December 2022

Unknown

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every step of the way
I don’t know what will happen from it.
one day, I opened a book,
and it changed the way I see the world.
it’s as if colors have become more vibrant,
objects feel more tangible,
and the world made sense.
It’s times like this
that makes it worthwhile the wait.
so, if you are having a hard time,
hang in there.
there will be a day when all will make sense.
there will be a day the grind will be worthwhile.
it’s one more day, another chance, another opportunity.
let’s seize the moment.

Desire

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why do you wake up in the morning?
I want to remember that intense feeling
I experienced, as I lived my life.
Naked, honest, and real experience
is incomparable to anything formal.
I often forget how close and frequent death is.
fear of it, would rather resemble spiritual death.
live today as if it’s your last, and you’ll live.
run to save your life, and you’re already dead.

12.19.2022

Better memory tips

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who are you?
subtle hints you drop here and there
always on point, to the essence of the matter
who are you?
there’s one name who comes to my mind
but they have been unresponsive in awhile
should this be a pandora box not to be opened,
I will respect your will,
but my curiosity looms larger each passing day.
who are you?
the way you read through my thoughts
even deeper than I had realized,
and response so thoughtful
I am honestly humbled.
should you remain anonymous,
I will respect your wish,
but I hope at least you know
I am grateful for your presence.
you’ve been a good support for me.
thank you.

12.18.2022

Voice

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at one point, I realized I forgot my voice.
in repetitive schedules,
I only looked forward for to-do lists and chores.
As I look back, all there are check marks.
black became a color of choice
because of its efficiency for revealing truths
shirts and jeans have become my uniform.
food became way to sustain my life,
not a way of culture.
what is my voice?
in a daily routine where I don’t speak at all
unless I need to,
it slips my mind.
I am curious
where this search will lead me.

12.17.2022

Weight

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even if you are lifting up a mere pebble
let all your senses focus on its subtle weight
feel it’s existence, acknowledge its presence.
you don’t need to remember all the stars,
but remember this little pebble in your hand.
it is here for you now. you only.
see the world in this pebble.
feel it, acknowledge it.
may you not treat this pebble lightly.

12.16.2022

Submerged

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I made a bet once.
I would take a leap over a broken bridge,
try my luck,
and see if I can get to the other side so prized
“it’s all or nothing”
“you only live once”
we’re among the phrases I muttered
before I leapt.
for a moment I felt I was flying.
but now
the crowd went silent,
I don’t sense any gravity,
and I don’t feel anything.
I wonder if I had fell and submerged.
floating along a flowing river
but who knows, I might have made it.
I just have to wake up from this dream
and seize the day once again.
It’d be nice if someone remembered me
whether it’s from this dream or the other side.

12.15.2022

Focus

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whether you like it or not
the world matches on
whether you do what you want
or what you think you should do
the world accepts and move on.
so what do you want in this world?
not in ten years, next month, or tomorrow
right now, what do you want your life to be?
what do you wake up for?
no more excuse.
right now, what is your dream?
run for it now.
run.

12.14.2022

Mints

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occasionally, when I think of something embarrassing,
I impulsively imagine lifting up a stick of cigarette
dragging in a cool-hot, bitter-sour smoke,
somehow it’s the pain that relieves the pain.
yet it won’t be till my deathbed I’ll lit another one.
a white pebble of mint will do for now
crushing it with my molar teeth
let the flash of cool flame quench the impulse
and forget the shame, burying it further back
into a darker corner of my memory
hoping it won’t resurface.
but when it does,
the impulse kicks in
flooding like saliva
of a Pavlovian dog
like Sisyphus,
we push it back
to have it roll back at us again.
a mint will do for now.
12.13.2022

Expression

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why is it so hard to say “I love you”
when I am plunged in the work?
To have a space for a moment
and sit down next to you and say,
“I truly feel connected to you,”
is what I want to say, instead of
harangue about self-growth and discipline.
In my own, unconventional way,
I hope, this will reach you, some day.
wherever you are,
I wish you love.

12.13.2022

Dimensions

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it’s as if traveling multiple world at once
the scent of lamb barbecue
the smirk as the hand picks an orange from a tree
the crease around the eye against the sunset
the lukewarm orange street light
under the silent purple-grey cloudy sky
as sweet cherry blossoms scatter & float in air
a pair of kittens under a luminescent advertisement
the unforgiving sun,
the waist high snow plow
all is remembered
so vividly,
simultaneously
felt.
it’s
a lonely walk
through
this
universe.

12.12.2022