How to Improve Social Skills

Have you had a moment when watching a drama series or a movie you realize that most of the common misunderstandings and conflicts happen because of a lack of social skills? Have you also resonated with such conflicts because of your similar personal conflict? And have you wondered how you can improve your social skills? We feel the same! In this post, we will explore ways to improve our social skills.

First, let’s discuss what is not a social interaction.

it is not about pleasing everyone
it is not about meeting everyone’s expectations

If you don’t know how to tell the difference between what you want and what others want you to want, try asking yourself the following questions:

Am I looking forward to spending time with the person/event?
Do I feel guilty about letting people down?
Will the meeting bring me joy?

Honestly, answering these questions could help you choose social interactions that bring the most joy to your life.

So what is social interaction?

American Psychological Association: “any process that involves reciprocal stimulation or response between two or more individuals.”
Persistent social interaction between specific individuals forms social relationships.
There are many types of social interactions. However, this post will focus on dyad interaction that can bring the most favorable outcome for both participants.

Emotional intelligence: emotional intelligence is your ability to acknowledge your emotions, recognize emotions in others and use that information to guide your behavior. This plays a key role in forming constructive social relationships. Daniel Goleman, a cofounder of the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning at Yale University, suggests 5 components of emotional intelligence as follows:
- Self-awareness: the ability to identify your own emotions and how they work
- Self-regulation: the ability to manage your own emotion
- Internal motivation: the driving force to create or continue projects because you choose to, not because something outside yourself demands it.
- Empathy: the ability to be aware of others’ emotions and recognize how people are expressing themselves.
- Socialization: the ability to steer your relationships and navigate social situations. Understanding how to get where you want to be with other people.

The Surgeon General, Vivek Murphy, wrote a book in 2020 called Together: Why Social Connection Holds the Key to Better Health, Higher Performance, and Greater Happiness. The book stresses the negative impact of loneliness, which contributed to the opioid epidemic, overuse of psych medications, and increased suicide. Vivek Murphy emphasizes how social connections can be a way to cure loneliness.

Similarly, Robert Waldinger, a psychiatry professor at Harvard Medical School and a director of Harvard Study of Adult Development, points out that genuine social connection appears to be one of the major factors that bring a sense of happiness. Drawing an ongoing 85-year-old prospective cohort study, he points out that the source of living healthy and lone life has genuinely positive social connections. He points out that we can feel loneliness in social relationships that bring negative experiences to the person. He stresses the importance of genuinely positive interactions.

A 1990 case study in Japan found a lower risk of Alzheimer’s disease for those who are more socially active compared to those who are socially inactive. A 2008 University of Michigan study showed that those with more social interaction have higher cognitive function levels than those without. The author explains that the increased use of cognitive functions such as memory and language during social interactions could explain the reason for improved cognitive function levels. A 2011 Purdue University study also suggests the positive impact of social interaction on cognitive function levels.

Communication plays a key role in shaping your social interactions. While you are in communication with others, pay attention to the five components of emotional intelligence to assess the quality of your interactions. There are a series of books that you could reference for tips on improving social skills.

Speaking up: you may avoid confronting someone because of the fear of negative social relationships. However, using the “I” statement, expressing how you feel when others do specific actions, can help others understand what you feel when others do in a certain way. Using the “XYZ” communication method can aid this type of exertion. For example, “When X happens, I feel Y because of Z.”
Ice-breakers: asking questions on topics that you can relate to, such as “What are tv shows or movies you have watched recently?” can help get the conversation started with new or acquainted people
Active Listening: taking genuine curiosity of the person and seeking to understand where the person is coming from can improve the quality of conversation. Try asking yourself the following questions:
- What’s important to this person?
- What are they excited to share?
Feedback: giving a compliment or receiving a compliment can increase the satisfaction of your conversation. Pay attention to what you genuinely like about the person, and avoid half-hearted compliments.

If you feel too anxious to put yourself in a social environment and think you might have a social anxiety disorder, please consider consulting your physician!

Summary

In this blog post, we explored the characteristics of social interactions, the benefits we can experience from having more of them, and a few easy steps to improve conversation qualities. We hope this can help you take the initiative to talk to new people and people around you!

Disclaimer: This web post is for information purposes. If you have medical needs, please contact your primary care physician

What Are Social Interactions?

What Are the Components of Social Interactions?

What Are the Benefits of Social Interactions?

What Are the Tips for Social Interactions?

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