Worthwhile

sometimes I wonder
whether it was worthwhile to have done it all
when, in the end, all you come to
is the starting point all over again
but you’ve gone through point of no return
you’ve vowed to avenge your youth
you’ve been bruised, bled, and bloodied
by thousands of cuts by those passing by
when, at the point of arrival, you realize
you’ve arrived at the opposite direction
of where everyone needed you to be
where you have cried your soul into black instead
I wonder if all those were worthwhile after all

6.1.2022

Disinhibition

mind is in a blurry white mist
time passes slowly but a day goes by fast
as if a cold sandbag’s on my head and freezes
train of thoughts, perhaps it’s Tylenol that has
thankfully quenched the fire of white knots
perhaps it’s the lack of sleep from last night
I can’t tell; since I lost sense of smell
what feelings I had day-to-day
except for this salty mucus with hint of sadness
I suppose I should continue to work
for nothing else seems to give me relief

4.13.2022

Phenomena

fascinating things continue to surprise me:
I cannot smell scents nor discern flavors
no more perfumes, fruits, and sweets,
perhaps to do with nervous system, I think
lower back and hip had been aching
left big toe had been tingling
back kidney pain had subsided
yet coughing and congestions persist
head feels like a balloon under water
I wonder what all these mean
fascinating things continue to surprise me

4.11.2022

Progression

it’s undeniable, pain in my back flanks
dark shadows around my eyes like blanket
no matter how much I drink this water tank
I sweat profusely, yet I won’t let go this jacket
coughing become vomiting, without anything
coming out except for gluey phlegm
my mind is a slightly drunken blueberry jam
so breathing has never been so manual
when will it arrive, the end eventual?

4.10.2022

Description

morning starts early drenched in sweat
nostrils and mouth are dry filled with dust
swallowing saliva only pains the throat
occasional coughs; convulsion of abdomen
and chest, cannonballing white-yellow-green
sticky slimy pieces of phlegm into my palm
squeezing my head, pressuring my eyeballs
congestion in nose, forces breathing harder
sweat dripping down at seemingly OK temp
but it’s too cold to take off this light jacket
time feels constant yet passes too quickly
suspected cognitive confusion slightly
drank so much water, but I wouldn’t stop
tingling numbness at third, fourth finger tip

fascinating phenomena is happening
I wonder what tomorrow brings

4.9.2022