나는 생각하고 있었다.
아마, 너는 거기서 땅콩을 까면서 말하겠지:
“사실 너가 어떻게 떨어지는지 보고 싶었어”
그러든 말든 나는 내 갈 길을 가고 있지만.
그러다 문득 두려움이 쌓여
뒷걸음을 치며
쌓인 눈에 고스란히 담긴
내 발자국을 보았다.
“그래, 나는 아직 살아있어”
안심하고 앞으로 가다
너라는 별똥별을 마주해 버렸다.
1.9.2024
come, stay and let's talk. it's a good day to be alive
나는 생각하고 있었다.
아마, 너는 거기서 땅콩을 까면서 말하겠지:
“사실 너가 어떻게 떨어지는지 보고 싶었어”
그러든 말든 나는 내 갈 길을 가고 있지만.
그러다 문득 두려움이 쌓여
뒷걸음을 치며
쌓인 눈에 고스란히 담긴
내 발자국을 보았다.
“그래, 나는 아직 살아있어”
안심하고 앞으로 가다
너라는 별똥별을 마주해 버렸다.
1.9.2024
Slowly, steadily,
we start to tread on the shallow waters.
beneath the dark waters,
there could be a gaping hole,
ready to engulf your world.
There could be a vortex,
dragging you into the unknown.
Still, have courage.
It will be brighter on the other side.
1.8.2024
if you want it,
stretch out your arm,
grasp it with your fingers.
don’t wait others to do it for you.
1.7.2024
let us believe
this moment will not come again.
let us live to our best effort
so our heart won’t be burdened with guilt.
1.6.2024
starting from emptiness,
it accelerates.
faster and faster it goes,
and it starts to make a sound.
a sound that’s beyond everyone’s standard,
beyond the imagination.
1.5.2024
a black cat appeared.
its amorphous darkness
morphed into a sinkhole.
I grasped at it without avail.
So I stared at it
as it stared back.
It bowed,
dissipating into warm night air.
1.4.2024
without my coffee,
each hour felt like a year.
I let my mind drift.
As my mind slowly crawled,
I noticed crumbs of memories.
Ones I made mistakes,
ones I felt happier,
ones I hope not to remember.
They all shined brightly,
and my heart was warm.
I let them float into sky,
and wished upon them
to let me live to my fullest.
Then I got back to my deadlines.
1.3.2024
must I suffer?
for now, there’s no easy way around it.
but who will see this light shine?
yourself, then the world.
what’s the meaning of all this?
in silence, the truth traverses.
1.2.2024
regardless of my intention,
in every direction I went,
I was told I was wrong.
That I am the bad guy.
But in quiet silence,
when I peer into myself,
I realized it’s the accumulation
of my neglect, laziness, and carelessness.
So I sat down.
I started to write, draw, and read.
There’s no need to run or fight.
Just fly into your imagination.
1.1.2024
I wouldn’t say it is the best movie, but it is a movie with a message: no one is perfect. Released in 2022, this Disney/Pixar movie brings back our memories of one of the best childhood movies, Toy Story 1 (1995) (and maybe Toy Story 2 (1999), too). Most children who must have watched the Toy Story 1/2 are now in their 30s. And perhaps that is the reason why the movie centers so much around personal ambition vs. family and about forgiving ourselves.
The movie centers around Buzz, an elite space explorer who accidentally lands on a strange planet. He tries to find a way to get out of the planet, but each time he tries, everyone else gets much older than he is. In the end, everyone he knew passed away, leaving only him and his weird robot cat. Then, anti-human robots suddenly appear and kidnap everyone into their mothership. He teams up with a kid, an elderly former prisoner, and a lackadaisical dude to take down the ship and get out of the planet.
Buzz is a 30-something-year-old perfectionist and narcissist. He hates making mistakes and carries the whole world on his shoulders. Ironically, he also makes reckless decisions that jeopardize his close friends. He doggedly seeks to continue his personal ambition of earlier days, only to realize that friends and family come first.
It’s hard to tell if this movie is for the jocks or for the nerds. Many action scenes in the movie with toys make you wonder what is real and what is not (is this part of the Toy Story universe?). I resonated with this movie as someone who also seeks doggedly a personal ambition from my past. But I am bothered by the constant angst of failure in the air. There’s bitterness and despair. Yes, it is part of life, and yes, it is good to overcome it, but I sense that the movie could have done better with its mixture of humor, empathy, and actions.
If you are a 30-something-year-old and have a kid who could also enjoy Toy Story movies, go ahead and watch this movie. If you are hurt by your constant setbacks in pursuing your personal ambition, try this one. But if you seek a feel-good movie, turn the other way and look for another Disney movie.
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