come, stay and let's talk. it's a good day to be alive
To an incipient revelry,
Death paid a visit.
Introduction; Cognoscenti of all the dances and all the wisdom of the world.
Nascent bulb blithely beamed; perhaps not so keen
On the carnal limits within this effervescent hourglass.
But a bulb is a bulb. What can it do?
It will breath in the air,
Soak in the moist,
Boldly grow.
Grow, bulb. Grow.
Grow larger than the Death.
10.8.2019
Remember coldest darkness shines the smallest incandescent candle light.
Scary skeletons are what kept you going when things fell down to floor
Nagging neighbors and obnoxious passerby were who cared about you
When things took a different turn.
Try believing.
10.7.2019
Running down hill,
Rushing past many things.
Perhaps time is not too relevant when you are running fast.
We shall arise.
We will see for ourselves
What this world will become.
Just a little jumps,
That’s all that is needed.
10.6.2019
Grenade balloons won’t do it
Serenade by millions of clowns won’t do it
Cascades of golden milk won’t do it
Perhaps the dance of last summer is what counts.
But poems soak and bleed their ink
Heated strokes of heart cool down
Flesh so tender will wither
Well then.
I hope my probated story will last,
And that my eyes now are clear
10.1.2019
After a shower of sweats,
Cold tears in a dark room,
Dawn breaks beyond the horizon.
“You took the shot”—
Yes, this morning glow is what I’ve been waiting for.
All the swords that dug deep within my flesh dissolves into a shadow.
“You took the shot”
Yes, I did. And I’ll take more shot,
Until I hit a star.
9.30.2019
clicks of your shoes on a dark asphalt
echoes through an empty road under the night sky
fireflies flicker about the light post,
chilly winter breeze hurriedly pass us by,
Perhaps a bundle of fiddles, we are
dancing on a gentle breeze, harsh breeze, tornado,
earthly bound, soaking underly redoubtably grand sunlight,
perhaps we grow a little,
perhaps we spread out a little,
perhaps we laugh a little.
clicky-clack, dancing through this infinite night.
9.26.2019
For a drop of soul lost in an silent ocean of darkness,
For a rusted needled buried deep beneath billions of grains of desert sand,
There is a resonation.
An invisible, perhaps unbelievable, resonation whispers a promise.
Rise tomorrow.
Repeat. Again, and again.
We shall meet in our glory atop of heave of our works.
Overcome and repeat,
Within a blink of an eye, we’ll be there.
9.25.2019
Don’t accuse that man playing guitar sitting by the side walk bench in his melancholic tune.
Perhaps you may wonder how he dares to waste his time so imprudently away while you walk by trotting away.
Perhaps you may want to consider if the man had a crash of tragedy in his life.
Perhaps you may prefer pondering if you had a violin string snapped, sprung into a spiral.
Don’t accuse the man. But just walk away, listening to this music.
9.23.2019
Perhaps you’ve known already.
That we aren’t meant for lofty breeze,
Rather a summer night of radicals
That call forth what laid in our bloods.
Howling of lunatics aren’t sharp enough
For in silence, action implodes in speed
No motion needs no proof or cause.
For in this moment, nothing else,
But we live only.
9.16.2019
I’ve been studying MCAT to get into medical school. With my age, most of my friends have already graduated from medical school. They have started a residency. I am still a premed.
Last year, when I forgot to bring my passport to the MCAT test site, I vowed to myself that I would never walk the path of medical school again. I was just so upset with myself for having to try again and fail over and over again. I saw myself falling into depression, anxiety, and lower my self-esteem as I pushed myself through the grind. I didn’t like what I am nor where I was headed to. I had to reevaluate what I truly enjoy.
But there is a reason why I hesitate so much before taking that first step away from becoming a medical doctor: am I quitting because it is too hard?
I would like to believe that it is for a greater cause, that I have given my best try at it, and that I am looking for something that I would truly enjoy, not just for the sake of keeping my words, but for what my heart truly pulls me toward.
Surprisingly, now that I am trying to find what I truly enjoy, I could barely identify them. While I studied for MCAT, I had kept a list of things I wanted to do once the exam was over. There were specific places I was going to go to. I wanted to make a poetry book. I wanted to read hundreds of books.
One of the projects that I have discussed about with my friend in Flushing, Queens was to start learning machine learning.
I know not a single code to write. However, I liked the idea of machine learning. I liked that it was new, I liked that it could be a way of better understanding AI. Although I am very behind the game, I wanted to explore it. I could somehow see that my field experience and machine learning could pair well together.
For now, however, it feels very awkward. I feel like I am fooling around with my precious after-work time. I worry about whether I can meet a girl to date. I worry about whether I can progress in my work in order to get into a better position. I worry about whether other people think I am worthy of their respect or not. It feels quite lonely to try to work my way towards the top. What is there at the top anyways? Freedom? Happiness? Meaningfulness?
The only way to find out is to give it a try. I know I won’t be able to fully rest in my death bed without giving it a try.
KRK 9.16.2019
Ralph with Coffee 
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