Tag: life

Showdown

RalphLeave a comment

Lights are blinking.
This whole show I’ve been watching lazily:
is it going to be over?

Already?

“Wake up,” I tell myself.
I don’t want to go.

But, I don’t want to be wrong.
I want to end it gracefully,
Than to be ashamed.

Oh, if I could only be honest,
Just once,
And tell the world my truth,
Not the world’s,

I would live this life again,
And the honor will be mine.

7.24.2019

Anthem

RalphLeave a comment

Your quiet eyes glare into a
cosmos, a vacuum space that is
everything

Your heartbeats resonate through
the atmosphere, adjoining a
thousand others’

Your feet and hands are worn, but
they are in command of many skills
that others did not dare to know

Alone against the quiet world,

Unaccompanied, entangled in this maze,

Each of us sings,

Singing our anthem to our soul.

7.23.2019

Flash

RalphLeave a comment

Rain drips from the dark cloudy night, starting a monologue of a stoic gloom.

Suddenly, a flash — a thin silver lightening dashing across the night — brightens, albeit momentarily.

Who is the person that received the lightening?

Whoever it was,

Faced the hot, electrifying volcanic energy

Grappled with its fractious momentum,

I wonder if they had a good fight worth wagering their life.

7.22.2019

Raise you up

RalphLeave a comment

When the sunny bright sky weighs heavy on your shoulder,
When the whispers of the dark night has reached your ears,
When the waves are crashing in from every direction,

I will raise you up.

Withstanding bone-crushing weight,
Consuming every tools and tricks I saved,
Forgoing calls to give into exhaustion,

I will raise you up.

7.21.2019

Coffee with Ralph: Mitski Miyawaki’s “Nobody”

RalphLeave a comment

It is 9:15 PM, my room had already been submerged into darkness, and street light streamed through windows illuminating pieces of my room. Unbothered, I let the darkness take it’s placed, as my ears filled with the aromatic voice of a woman, who slowly regurgitates her solitude with satirical — perhaps even ridiculously insane — levity. As her melancholic melodies streamed through my earplugs, I felt my eyes already damp with tears. As I sat in a wooden armchair in darkness, I let my eyes soak. Somehow, her deep, husky voice turned a bitter solitude into a cup of well-aged whiskey on-a-rock.

Mitski Miyawaki throws a straight-ball at you with her courageously candid words in her song, “Nobody”, which released on June 26th, 2018. In her deep lubricious voice, she says what she means right off the bat: “My God, I’m so lonely (When you truly feel lonely, there is no beating about the bush or keeping polite etiquette) … And I don’t want your pity.”

But she also leaves room for many others to have their own interpretation. Particularly, when she sings “I’ve been big and small and big and small … and still nobody wants me,” I interpreted as how no one cares in spite of success and failure I have. In an interview with Genius on YouTube, Mitski actually explains that it is about how her body size has been changing from big to small to big and still no one wants her. She chose words that are simple but flexible to help the audience (like me) to make interpretations to incorporate her song with personal experiences.

If you read just the lyrics of “Nobody” by Mitski and imagine a rancorous 5th grader steaming about how no one would like to play with her, you can easily get a picture of someone that you would want to run away from as soon as possible. The key reason why “Nobody” is so alluring in spite of its raw message is that her voice, which is soothing, delicious, and unapologetic, compels your imaginations to take it to even a higher dimension of interpretation.

Listening to her voice, you can picture a woman (not a girl) who has matured through survivorship in life that we go through as an adult. Yet her grown voice now childishly seeks a genuine human touch — a touch that we all secretly crave, living a busy life. Listening to her sing “An I know no one will save me I just need someone to … give me one good honest kiss” — all invisible walls of secrecies and lies between strangers are gone. From a soul to soul, it’s howling for an honest human touch.

One of the reasons why “Nobody” is approachable in spite of handling a touchy subject as loneliness is because Mitski understands that the world we live in is not so kind one. Mitski explains in her interview with Genius that “pity” is an emotion you have for someone who’s lower than you. We live in a world where we look upon loneliness as a weakness. A psychological debility that needs to be fixed with therapy and whatnot. But Mitski also understands that the world does not tolerate someone who demands love too much. “Venus, the planet of love was destroyed by global warming. Did its people want too much too?” is a statement that nails in the head.

By repeating the word “nobody” over and over, she plays with her own despair of having become an unlikeable person. It feels as though you are watching a Muk-Bang, a video where you indirectly feel happy by watching someone eating a food deliciously; you feel liberated from the fear of loneliness by declaring that nobody will want you.

Mitski, with her alluring voice, simple and courageous lyrics, and gracefully crafted song that reveals her matured character invites her listeners for the journey with despair and desire for love. Her raw emotion and sophisticated exposition of meanings even help listeners relish their own loneliness with a style.

She is not a defeated — no, she is a fighter, grappling with her own desperation and loneliness with dignity and tenacity. Within gracious ups and turns of her voice, she weaves an articulate invitation to a dance party. To whom? To a society who is damn too quiet for our solitude.

 

…

Lastly, I’d like to end this commentary (haha ok) with a personal note. Listening to Mitski’s “Nobody” for the first time in that dark empty room, I realized I just met a woman who has the same soul like mine. I thanked her for her honesty, because oh, I would not have said it straight-faced to anyone. Her graciousness, her honesty, her sophistication, and her diligence in making this message pass through to the world made this song stand out among the others. I look forward to her next project and I hope to be a small droplet of rain that can flow with her own journey.

Hmm, for just those who are interested, more personal story is here. Just before I discovered (although she’s been famous since a long time ago already) Mitski’s “Nobody”, I’ve had an especially hard time at work, strained relationships with my friends and my family, and from women whom I’ve grown to like a lot. All of this happened in a single day. All meaning in life seemed to have dissipated away. Although I was still moving forward in my life, it was getting tiresome handling bitterness, loneliness, and meaninglessness.

But I was not honest with my own feelings until the night I listened to Mistki’s “Nobody”. Her song was like a lightening shock to my heart and brain, making me realize that I am actually pleading for love, attention, and acknowledgment. I am don’t know how to express this and I am not good at expressing it, and I am fearful of what others will think of me if I do so, that I just pretend that it does not matter to me at all.

The world demands me to be useful and in order to become powerful enough to stand up as a functional human being and socialize with others, I need to accomplish things. Her song was a place to acknowledge where my problems stem from and play with it. Now, I feel rather confident to face the world. I will be alive tomorrow even if the whole world does not like me. That gives me the freedom to be audacious to dream. Dream to meet someone whom I can connect with.

photo credit: YouTube via Google

Please feel free to leave a comment below for how I can improve my writing! I have just started writing blogs and I would appreciate any kind of feedback! Thank you! 🙂

City Bus

RalphLeave a comment

There’s a blue sanitary glove laying on a seat inside out

All these people in this city but don’t seem to notice it

A hispanic mother checks her thick purple lipstick on her selfie as her daughter stares blankly into her doll.

A elderly white woman – a blue shirt inside and a checkered shirt on her out side – pulls out her iPhone 5 from her white polka dotted red handbag. On her left arm, she has an Apple Watch. Her right arm is ballooned like a hot dog. Perhaps it’s swellig because of blood clots in blood vessel. The thin wrinkled old lady’s body seemed to have taken a toll for all the hard work she has done to get that handbag, Apple Watch, and her iPhone.

Two black men with red caps on, one has a shirt aloha captain fin

Two college freshmen girls singing in the back seat think out loud how great they hard.

In the cacophony, we go from A to B. Er- perhaps we have not even met.

7.16.2018

Paper

RalphLeave a comment

As if it was poked with a sharp metal stick,

My left thigh suddenly buzzed and squeezed its muscle downwards

‘Am I dreaming now?’ Is someone poking in my brain while I am asleep?

Then I began to suspect the clear blue sky, perfectly round soft-looking clouds, and pixels of green leaves flickering sunlight in a wave when the breeze passes by.

Am I awake? More grumbled I was, as I imagined all the goods that could have been deprived of me.

Then I continued reading about romans learning the new ways from the greek, and how one of the greek was so stubborn that they drove themselves to the death.

I wrote: I live, for there is a justice that I must defend. I live, for there is the ultimate truth somewhere in this world I am conscious. I live, for what I am certain I know of.

It’s another fight.

7.13.2019