it was late at night in a quiet parking lot
near a hotel where friends cheered victories
Walking into the dark to cool my head a little
the coldness of night sobered my head
or rather soaked my head in a strange thing
I walked a tight yellow rope between
falling in a deathly cold pit of loneliness
or falling head over hills into the unknown
When I opened my eyes again
as gracious morning sun shown upon me
as piercing pain squeezed my head
I knew what I had to do.
I took the step into the unknown.
4.28.2022
Tag: thoughts
Scene 10
it was under the hot scorching summer sun
I rowed my kayak through the middle of river
wide as suburban shopping mall
although I couldn’t tell whether it flowed
I rowed and rowed, belching out youthful songs
river kept revealing more and more of itself
until I reached the mouth of a city
and dragged out my kayak into concrete
I remember the river that gave itself to me
4.28.2022
Scene 9
it was the longest train ride I had in a decade
as I sat a bit awkwardly, with discomfort
into cushioned chair by the window
the train moved slowly, smoothly, like
butter on a hot pan, an ice-cream on asphalt
flying two hundred miles an hour
sceneries were a constant blur of images
unkempt green bushes, swamps, mountains
as if in a carrousel, the world spun so fast
I felt I finally found a refuge from it all
I remember the train and its otherworldly respite
4.26.2022
Scene 8
I walked through a dark empty silent road
as heavy snow fell from dark winter night sky
I remember the seething anger I bore
but not what I was angry for
too proud to make a scene, I walked in silence
hoping the road has long enough distance
to walk the talk in my head
listening to white snow crunching under the feet
4.25.2022
Scene 7
I walked along the lake of emerald color
out of a jungle of tall grey cement buildings
on street so long that seemed to have no end
but I finally arrived at a flat aquarium
passing by taxidermy of mammoths
that reminded me of American beef
hamburgers I had beforehand
to the plastic wall of pool of emerald color
where white beluga whales swam solemnly
I remember the whales
because I was expecting giant blue whales instead
4.24.2022
4.24.2022
Scene 6
I was sitting by the window in the bakery
soaking in the chamomile-gold sunset
perhaps I smelled freshly baked breads
perhaps I had a half-emptied cup of ice coffee
but the promise I made, I remember
one that turned out I would keep only half
but one that was worthwhile nonetheless
4.23.2022
Scene 5
I was sitting in a large old library
High ceiling, large space with cubicles,
had windows viewing out into the riverside
I often walked down the stairs
to buy chewing candy from a shop below
It was not too long after I had quit smoking
I spent uncountable hours in the library
perhaps that’s where I fell into the rabbit hole
the desperate race that never seems to end
4.22.2022
Scene 3
it was raining in the winter at the ocean
white waves roared and crashed ceaselessly
I took a walk by the beach
shivering in coldness seeping into the bones
as the rain soaked my duck down
I walked until I was angry
angry at the coldness, mad at the foolish walk
now, the madness of the walk is what I recall
the unreasonable, foolish, and reckless walk
is what I remember
4.20.2022
Dream
some say, “don’t think about the past”
“you’ll blind yourself to its light
and won’t take a step towards future”
but I’d say, “sing the past”
“sing of its youth, the beauty, the joy,
the tears, the smiles, and the light”
for if you sing enough of its love,
maybe you will move on
maybe you will evolve
maybe you will love again
so, sing the past
embrace the love it sends
spread the love it gifted you
4.16.2022
Break
it feels like it’s been awhile
being like this, not pressed
to keep on doing something
for the sake of survival, for approval
perhaps this sickness is blessing in disguise
one I might have had to encounter to realize
a few hidden messages for myself
from my past self perhaps to remind myself
that there are choices in life to be made
fully appreciate the cards you have played
4.15.2022
Ralph with Coffee 
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