I remember listening to Mitski when I used to work at a hospital call center in 2019. The call center was located in the middle of a suburban New England neighborhood. I remember that next to a newly built flat office building was a forest with a walking path and a river that separated the forest from the vast green front yards of castle-like houses. I used to walk through that forest during my lunch break in fall, winter, and spring. I used to listen to music as I walked alongside the river. I remember listening to Mitski for the first time.
It was 2019. The work was hard, and I was focusing my energy and attention on my studies every day to get into medical school. When too many people call the call center, my ears get tired of listening to a person crying, shouting, and cursing. My mind would slowly get heated with too many details to remember and too many details to forget. Filled with pent-up anger, sadness, and fear, I would pull out my Airpods, step out of the office through a glass door into the crisp, fresh air, and walk into the forest.
Listening to Mitski’s voice, you feel camaraderie. Her voice is passionate, defiant, and unapologetic. She does not depend on others; she searches for meaning within herself, clawing through the chaotic path of soul-searching. It’s not for the glory, not for fame, not for recognition, not for love. But rather a burning desire to understand the origin of her burning desire for life. When you are walking down a dark hallway alone, seeing someone else walking by themselves in a long dark hallway gives you irresistible resilience. That’s what I got from Mitski. We may be insignificantly small, but we have a burning desire for a lived experience. To get there, we will exhaust whatever we can. And when we look back, we will have no regrets.
4.23.2024
Ralph with Coffee 