Tag: hope

Light warmth

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in that moment, I happened to stare up
towards the brown-bricked wall
painted in plain lemon yellow color
and the orange sunset light
all that refracted light from branches
fell on the wall, silently, and softly.

at that moment, I remembered vaguely
yes, I used to think sentimentally.
I used to smile nostalgically at the
warmth of a mother bird cooing the babies
in her nest, ever so protected from outside
word, so warm and fuzzy and soft and safe —
I almost forgot that previous version of me,
which, I think is only a thought or two away
from now, used to have overflowing feelings.

I — it was at that moment I realized — had
promised myself that I would come back.
that once all these battles incurred by
pesty intruders were finished, I’d come back.
That we would smile, feel easy with trust,
and make jokes whose smile won’t stop
once we were done with just this one job.

but then I saw my hands and they were rusty
they were the hands that tasted the prize.
they were hungry and the would not stop.
everything made sense. everything was logical. everything was justified.
my heart was hallowed with flames of justice.
my spine, thickened with battle scars.

then, alone in the park, when no one wanted
me, I stared at the bricked wall, bouncing off the warm orange sunset light with shades of
bare tree branches,
and I realized:
I used to be soft.
I used to have feelings.
I used to cry for the mother bird.

when I stop, will I ever lay my head again
to the soft songs in the warmth and beauty?
will I be forgiven?
will I know it was worth it at the end?

I walked back from the park
and the darkness fell
but that light in my eyes wouldn’t go away.
perhaps it is the beginning of everything after all.

11.15.2021

Fire potato

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a potato on fire rolls down the hill,
in the darkness of night sky, it is a shooting star.
what is there to lose, when we are already losing to ever faster speed of time.
better to rock and roll, bumping into things
and cracking things open, such as your heart,
so that it will shed all the dirty residues
and shine as the purest gem.

it hurts, it’s supposed to hurt.
don’t let go of that grip of your grit
and get on with it. see things for yourself.
good things are out there.

11.13.2021

Trial Phase

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life can be quite stimulating sometimes
it’s tempting to drown it out with sleeping pills,
YouTube 6 sec ad jumps,
and prescription of scrolling through
cheap speed date with Facebook posts.

but the honor is in facing each lion.
onerous work of lifting deadlines,
competing with fellows for highest quality,
that’s where the fun is at.

11.10.2021

Warp

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sitting alone at a round table desk,
emails are answered, schedules are checked,
and apologies and promises are made
on a metal bodied laptop monitor.

business as usual, the only noise in the air
is one from left corner where two people
snickers at something uneavesdropped.
someone coughs, someone shakes their leg.

Tears dropped from yawning.
As if to brush aside the tears,
I scroll down my iPhone mini
to find a single red dot of a notification.

it was the long waited message.
long waited, it had become a hope,
a dream and a legend, and then
a disappointing reality eventually.
So: “oh.”
the moments we dream seem always wetter
than the arid reality we actually meet.
11.6.2021

Fear

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white luminescent light
brightens this lonely bar stool I occupy
aqua-blue plastic bottle quietly stands
its liquid not wavering a bit

scratching the forehead,
a yellow subcutaneous fat tidbit ticks out
time seems a bit slower in a deafening silence
air circulation of this building just hums

waiting for your turn,
I open my door and walk into darkness.

11.5.2021

Shadow

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there is something sticky in my feet
it drags along the sidestreet
it’s not the smudges of dog feces
it’s not the dried skin leather of mice

it’s like a second layer of skin on my face
like a large red paint on my countenance
that I cannot see for myself
like a fermented smell that permeates

but did you know,
like a sticky gum in your hair,
there’s a trick to rid of its gloominess
either cut the hair for a new look
or get the ice and freeze it for awhile

bright sunny day isn’t too far away
just look up,
it’s right there.

11.4.2021

Pain

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I stopped smoking five years ago
but it’s creeping back into my memory
iron-rust like taste of cigarette tars
lung piercing acidity
is a luring trap against this pain

started chewing on colorful starbursts
it’s saccharine strawberry lemon
that soothes acrid pulses of this pain
but it’s a cookie trail to a slow diabetes
staring out the window of fall sky,
I wonder when this pain will be over.

11.3.2021

Ants

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stranded alone in a dark river,
the moon, pinned high above,
only solaces the ant’s waiting
and hopes for a new beginning.

the ant stretches its six legs
grasping onto ephemeral reflection
of the moon on dark river,
its every breath to save the moon.

standing alone in the dark river
I stare at the ant, whispering words
perhaps as a prayer of some sort.

10.27.2021