조금 괜찮다 싶을 때가
좀 더 위험함을 알게 되었다.
언젠가 되겠지 하는 생각이
내 눈을 흐리게 하는걸 알게 되었다.
파도는 높고
바다는 깊고
그 사이를 헤엄처야하는
우리는 잠깐 눈을 감고 싶다.
11.18.2021
Tag: thoughts
Light warmth
in that moment, I happened to stare up
towards the brown-bricked wall
painted in plain lemon yellow color
and the orange sunset light
all that refracted light from branches
fell on the wall, silently, and softly.
at that moment, I remembered vaguely
yes, I used to think sentimentally.
I used to smile nostalgically at the
warmth of a mother bird cooing the babies
in her nest, ever so protected from outside
word, so warm and fuzzy and soft and safe —
I almost forgot that previous version of me,
which, I think is only a thought or two away
from now, used to have overflowing feelings.
I — it was at that moment I realized — had
promised myself that I would come back.
that once all these battles incurred by
pesty intruders were finished, I’d come back.
That we would smile, feel easy with trust,
and make jokes whose smile won’t stop
once we were done with just this one job.
but then I saw my hands and they were rusty
they were the hands that tasted the prize.
they were hungry and the would not stop.
everything made sense. everything was logical. everything was justified.
my heart was hallowed with flames of justice.
my spine, thickened with battle scars.
then, alone in the park, when no one wanted
me, I stared at the bricked wall, bouncing off the warm orange sunset light with shades of
bare tree branches,
and I realized:
I used to be soft.
I used to have feelings.
I used to cry for the mother bird.
when I stop, will I ever lay my head again
to the soft songs in the warmth and beauty?
will I be forgiven?
will I know it was worth it at the end?
I walked back from the park
and the darkness fell
but that light in my eyes wouldn’t go away.
perhaps it is the beginning of everything after all.
11.15.2021
Shadow
there is something sticky in my feet
it drags along the sidestreet
it’s not the smudges of dog feces
it’s not the dried skin leather of mice
it’s like a second layer of skin on my face
like a large red paint on my countenance
that I cannot see for myself
like a fermented smell that permeates
but did you know,
like a sticky gum in your hair,
there’s a trick to rid of its gloominess
either cut the hair for a new look
or get the ice and freeze it for awhile
bright sunny day isn’t too far away
just look up,
it’s right there.
11.4.2021
Hits
you can do worse,
I’ve got nothing but my bare nuckles and spine,
but I’m fine taking more hits
so try your best
what’s there to lose now?
don’t don’t those eye away from darkness my dear
there ain’t no way getting out of this.
it’s a fistfight till dawn.
so do your worst.
10.30.2021
Star
through the dark sky,
though it burns and rains,
I stretch my arms
I catch my glimpse
one day I’d be there
yes, we’ll be there
let it begin,
our journey to the star
10.29.2021
컴퓨터
어느날 가을 아침이 맑아 보였다.
나도 모르게 컴퓨터 모니터가 앉아 있는
책상 의자에서 일어서 창가에 앉아
맑은 공기를 통해 천공으로서 부터 빛을 쏘는
태양을 바라 보았다.
그리고 서늘한 공기가 피부에 맞닿았다.
순간, 두가지의 문장이 떠올려졌다.
하나는 gen var_cold =.; replace var_cold =1 if var_temp>=46 & var_temp<=60; 이었고
다른 하나는 ‘이 차가움은 부드럽고도 쏘는듯 날카로우며 반갑고도 그리운 차가움이구나’ 이었다.
무심히 바라보던 태양 아래 그대를 떠올렸다. 그대의 따뜻함이 더욱이나 생각하는 하루이었다.
10.28.2021
Ants
stranded alone in a dark river,
the moon, pinned high above,
only solaces the ant’s waiting
and hopes for a new beginning.
the ant stretches its six legs
grasping onto ephemeral reflection
of the moon on dark river,
its every breath to save the moon.
standing alone in the dark river
I stare at the ant, whispering words
perhaps as a prayer of some sort.
10.27.2021
Round
unlike movies, unlike novels, unlike commercials,
there aren’t time for silence.
each second testifies against (for) your existence
so I say, take that extra step to go a distance
do not be afraid to be naked
to your own conscious, not others’
for love, for hope, for courage, for faith,
take that extra step towards your goal
10.20.2021
Glow
as if core of sun enveloped into my chest,
like warmth after slurping on a hot miso soup
heat radiates from my heart chambers
seeing your letters.
it’s one of the reasons why I keep together
after getting marked with scars after scars
by the nature, and by fellow humans.
to keep warmth going, to meet at our rendez-vous. thank you for giving me something to hold onto.
10.19.2021
Mirror
A flower blossomed in between a crevasse in a concrete sidewalk. Blue-purple smiled at me and I smiled back at its petite petals. The wind was clear, and the sky was cool. I was thankful for this happenchance to meet her.
A pair of mysterious stones were walking by, have a serious conversation in whispers amongst themselves. I respectfully circumvented around their path, letting them go on with their journey. They stopped and curiously stared at me. I paid them no mind; I rushed onto the path that I was called to.
Three dogs were strolling by. One was barking and following the other two. They all seemed to be in a genial mood. A group of lamb just stared curiously at me as they waited for the dogs to pass by. I felt proud one moment, then ashamed. Such vainglory is such a chagrin. I once again leap onto the unknown.
Spiegel im spiegel.
9.7.2021
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