I took this photo while I hung out at my cousin’s sourdough bakery in Seoul, Korea. Nested in a corner right next to a bustling local market street, the shop had an air of peaceful community.
Around the time that I took this photo, I had started getting back in touch with what mattered to me. Previously, I had a sense of “what I should do” instead of “what I want to do” in my Ph.D. program in the US. I reckoned “doing what I want” meant being selfish, which felt unacceptable — if the research work mattered for the lives of people, whether I enjoyed publishing papers seemed trivial.
But I had to face the consequences of my choice. After a few months of struggling, I found myself having to leave the program and explore a new path. The program director shared her perspective with me: this is an opportunity for a redirection, to find a fit that actually matters personally. Her support revamped my sense of security in times of uncertainty.
With paid months to explore a new path guaranteed, I read, wrote, and studied. In silence, I saw the morning light turn into day, evening, and dark night. There were days that I was in quiet bliss, and days that I found myself writhing in fear. In my lowest points, a few persons showed up for me. And their presence without words, acknowledging what I was going through, encouraged me to go through the process that can only be overcome by my own efforts. I introspected myself during this process.
Now that I am on a new path, I like to remind myself what matters to me. I like this photo because it shows a moment of peace and warmth. After turbulent years, I now appreciate how much joy it sparks in me and people close to me.
9.7.2026
Ralph with Coffee 