it was late at night in a quiet parking lot
near a hotel where friends cheered victories
Walking into the dark to cool my head a little
the coldness of night sobered my head
or rather soaked my head in a strange thing
I walked a tight yellow rope between
falling in a deathly cold pit of loneliness
or falling head over hills into the unknown
When I opened my eyes again
as gracious morning sun shown upon me
as piercing pain squeezed my head
I knew what I had to do.
I took the step into the unknown.
4.28.2022
Tag: live
Scene 10
it was under the hot scorching summer sun
I rowed my kayak through the middle of river
wide as suburban shopping mall
although I couldn’t tell whether it flowed
I rowed and rowed, belching out youthful songs
river kept revealing more and more of itself
until I reached the mouth of a city
and dragged out my kayak into concrete
I remember the river that gave itself to me
4.28.2022
Scene 7
I walked along the lake of emerald color
out of a jungle of tall grey cement buildings
on street so long that seemed to have no end
but I finally arrived at a flat aquarium
passing by taxidermy of mammoths
that reminded me of American beef
hamburgers I had beforehand
to the plastic wall of pool of emerald color
where white beluga whales swam solemnly
I remember the whales
because I was expecting giant blue whales instead
4.24.2022
4.24.2022
Scene 6
I was sitting by the window in the bakery
soaking in the chamomile-gold sunset
perhaps I smelled freshly baked breads
perhaps I had a half-emptied cup of ice coffee
but the promise I made, I remember
one that turned out I would keep only half
but one that was worthwhile nonetheless
4.23.2022
Scene 5
I was sitting in a large old library
High ceiling, large space with cubicles,
had windows viewing out into the riverside
I often walked down the stairs
to buy chewing candy from a shop below
It was not too long after I had quit smoking
I spent uncountable hours in the library
perhaps that’s where I fell into the rabbit hole
the desperate race that never seems to end
4.22.2022
Dream
some say, “don’t think about the past”
“you’ll blind yourself to its light
and won’t take a step towards future”
but I’d say, “sing the past”
“sing of its youth, the beauty, the joy,
the tears, the smiles, and the light”
for if you sing enough of its love,
maybe you will move on
maybe you will evolve
maybe you will love again
so, sing the past
embrace the love it sends
spread the love it gifted you
4.16.2022
Break
it feels like it’s been awhile
being like this, not pressed
to keep on doing something
for the sake of survival, for approval
perhaps this sickness is blessing in disguise
one I might have had to encounter to realize
a few hidden messages for myself
from my past self perhaps to remind myself
that there are choices in life to be made
fully appreciate the cards you have played
4.15.2022
Short story
I guess it was 15 years ago
I wanted to write a story
adolescent me was feverish with dreams
dreams of passion, adventure, and freedom
now that I think of it,
past 15 years had some of that
maybe, with a bit of luck, I lived my life like
how I wanted to write that story
I am grateful for it, truly
it hurt sometimes,
but it’s been really beautiful.
4.14.2022
Phenomena
fascinating things continue to surprise me:
I cannot smell scents nor discern flavors
no more perfumes, fruits, and sweets,
perhaps to do with nervous system, I think
lower back and hip had been aching
left big toe had been tingling
back kidney pain had subsided
yet coughing and congestions persist
head feels like a balloon under water
I wonder what all these mean
fascinating things continue to surprise me
4.11.2022
Reminiscence
warm breeze of Spring air, thank you.
because of your gentle touch in the morning,
I remembered the times I was happy.
times that I had emotions,
times that my spirit was free
times that had I lived, instead of surviving.
I thought, one day, it would come back:
all the joys, glories, and innocence
yet now I stand on trial that could end it all.
No regrets, no matter what others say.
I’m grateful for the memories.
4.8.2022
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