when the heart aches,
and it’s raining all over,
bright day’s long way to go,
smile.
smile, not only out of spite,
but from a goodwill too
it won’t last forever,
but nor will this pain be too.
10.15.2021
come, stay and let's talk. it's a good day to be alive
I wrote a text on my phone in my bedroom
I then walked out, climbed up stairs to the roof
and threw my phone as far as I can muster
hoping it will reach my designated audience
perhaps it took couple seconds. ah no.
actually couple hours, maybe couple days
till something hit me on my head (blind spot)
with the same phone but different message
something seem to ooze out
not from my head, but from my gut.
it’s a intoxicating feeling, heart’s pumping
but it ain’t all too bad. maybe a bit better than that.
I wrote a text on my phone,
walked up to the roof,
and threw my phone as hard as I can muster
hoping it reaches the person.
10.14.2021
across a blindingly white field of snow
I set out to march through them slow
yet steady, heaving waves and rows
of snow, making a way to meet somehow
again
breath is rugged out of cold,
arms and legs are about to give out,
but my mind is clear as the glaring sun
beaming through all paving the way
10.12.2021
a cosmos dwells in your eyes,
an infinite possibilities of dreams,
a window to a clear Antarctic sky
staring at deeply hidden hymns.
like Venus on a winter sky at dawn,
like pious fireflies in forest at dusk,
the light that lies in your eyes
enamores my silence by surprise
10.11.2021
10.11.2021
I am speechless
out of exhaustion.
Squeezed every morsel of energy in my cell
distilled into this journey
mixed in question marks and shadows.
sometimes I fear it’s not what I imagined
when I bring it out of the oven
glazed at thousands of degrees of heat
but now is the only change
now is the only hope,
now is the testimony of past.
now, I just hope it comes out intact.
now, I just hope for its best.
now, I just hope for its safety.
10.10.2021
yes, my emotions is like color black,
worn off of cool blue, dreamy green,
energetic orange, outrageous red,
it bears the color black like wounds.
there are blind spots to color black
I forget some people don’t have black
when I touch them, it sizzles like
a white A4 paper touching leaflets of
stove fire
yes, it’s a self-pity
yes, I need to get over it already
yes, though I do apologize to you.
10.9.2021
I am paying for my lies.
when I scrape dried grain of rice
off of my bowel after finishing
yet another egg omelette,
when I tie down thin plastic lips
of white vinyl trash bags
holding my nose, dragging it down
the lonely hall way and notice
drops of trash juice stains on the floor,
I know I am in this world, not
in the world of self-importance,
high stake gamble, nor tearful drama.
so perhaps now I am paying for it.
my head is burning like an ember
unrequited of promises of comfort
slowed in a quagmire,
suspended in numbing silence,
questions unanswered in a painfully
freezing temperature.
ah. perhaps just a simple life could’ve sufficed. But no, I must charge forward.
10.8.2021
in the desert, all you can hope is
that tomorrow, things will be different
but sizzling hot sand dunes,
dryness in air is constant
reminder of misery of this journey
but at night, when the darkness
arrived in its cold carpet,
and the only thing that shines
is the moon and the stars in sky,
it’ll remind you of warm blood in you.
10.6.2022
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